‘Hey babe, we need to talk.’

Six words. So ordinary, yet somehow urgent. The kind of text message women send before the heavy conversations – about men, heartache, loss.

But this wasn’t that.

This woman’s text was about to shatter lives. Her own and the recipient’s. And it would rip apart two prominent Melbourne families. 

Nearly two years after pressing send, the author of those six words would weep with relief at just one: guilty.

She was Tom Silvagni’s victim.

Tom raped her in his famous family’s home while pretending to be the woman’s casual intimate partner, who also happened to be his good mate.

This wasn’t a misunderstanding. It wasn’t a drunken mistake. It was deliberate. It was calculated.

Convicted rapist Tom Silvagni (right) is supported outside Melbourne’s County Court by his TV infomercial star mother Jo (left) on December 1

The County Court of Victoria’s verdict sent shockwaves through Melbourne.

For many months, Tom Silvagni’s identity was suppressed by the courts, citing concerns for his mental health. Yet the rumours spread regardless.

Long before his identity was revealed to the public following his conviction on two counts of rape, his name and crime circulated in hushed whispers – from Brighton to Collins Street, and through the cafés of South Yarra.

Now the Silvagni name bears an indelible stain. His parents, Carlton great Stephen Silvagni and TV infomercial queen Jo, have sold the family home where the rape took place and fled Melbourne for Queensland. Stephen wept outside court as he flagged a possible appeal: ‘Our goal is to clear his name and bring him home.’

As I write, Tom sits in a Melbourne detention centre awaiting sentencing.

His crime was heinous – digitally raping a young woman twice in his family mansion in January 2024, by impersonating his friend, who was casually involved with the victim.

That was not his only deception. Afterwards, he falsified an Uber receipt in an attempt to conceal his actions.

But this column is not about Tom.

Carlton great Stephen Silvagni (centre, with wife Jo and David Hallowes SC) wept outside court as he flagged a possible appeal: ‘Our goal is to clear his name and bring him home’

Nor is it about the courageous young woman who took on the son of one of Melbourne’s most prominent families, and won. She has been through enough, and I wish her well as she heals.

This is about a woman whose name I won’t mention here, despite it being published elsewhere – a woman drawn into this sordid saga solely because of the man she loved.

Tom Silvagni’s girlfriend – the recipient of that fateful text.

She is an influencer and a model. Crucially, she is entirely innocent and has never been accused of any wrongdoing.

As the verdict was read, she sat silently in court, tears sliding down her face – next to Jo, the morning television personality who could still become her mother-in-law.

She may still believe in Tom’s innocence. She remained by his side throughout the trial, during which she also testified. Whether they remain together after his conviction is unclear – but for argument’s sake, let’s assume they are.

So, here it is – and I will be blunt: Someone outside her inner circle – someone whose surname isn’t Silvagni – needs to take her aside. Now.

They must ask her: Is this the man you wish to marry? The man you want to father your children? A convicted rapist who slid into another woman’s bed and violated her while you slept just metres away, under the same roof?

‘Here is my message to Tom Silvagni’s girlfriend – and I will be blunt: Someone outside her inner circle – someone whose surname isn’t Silvagni – needs to take her aside. Now,’ writes Amanda Goff

That’s not gossip. It’s not opinion. Those are facts. The law is the law and he was found guilty. That won’t change unless he wins an appeal.

Here’s my message to Tom’s girlfriend – and I say this not to provoke, but as an older, wiser woman speaking with compassion to one who is still finding her way: think carefully about what you do next.

You have your whole life ahead of you.

I’ve seen what happens to women who hitch their wagon to the wrong man under the illusion of misguided love. In my own life, I’ve stubbornly seen the ‘good’ in bad men, when I should have run in the other direction.

I have been blinded by love when I ought to have confronted harsh reality.

I’ve had a man’s hands around my neck, I’ve had bruises, and yet I stayed. ‘It was just one fight,’ ‘I’m no angel myself.’ God, the excuses I gave devastated those who cared about me. I wasted so much of my life.

Nor am I alone.

I have watched friends stay with men who beat them, steal from them, isolate them from loved ones and yes, commit violent crimes – and still, they defend them when they should be frantically looking for an exit.

They all have something in common: they believe their relationship is different, that their man will change, has a good side, or is misunderstood; they blame alcohol, drugs or stress; they say he’s wrongly accused.

I have no idea if Tom’s girlfriend still believes he is innocent. Perhaps the guilty verdict changed everything. Maybe it will take time for her to absorb the truth.

But if she continues to stand by him, I offer just one request: give yourself a week where you do not listen to him, nor to those who love him unconditionally.

Instead, listen to women who have walked your path – women who have loved men accused of rape.

Do you want to spend years making plans in prison visiting rooms? Do you want to defend the indefensible to people who must think you’ve lost your mind?

The victim, who cannot be named, has responded to the verdict on social media 

Do you want to invest your life, love and future to a man whose name is tainted, and whose actions are so deplorable that he was thrown behind bars to protect women?

When he is released, can you ever imagine lying beside him again, knowing that years earlier he left your shared bed to assault another?

Will you think of that six-word text from a woman who hoped you would believe her?

Will you think of what she told your boyfriend in her victim impact statement?

‘You didn’t just violate my body that night, you violated my trust. It’s actually terrifying that someone you thought you knew and trusted could do something so evil.’

Right now, I will repeat the question my friends once shouted at me: Is this truly the man you want? Do you honestly believe you do not deserve better? 

Get out. Now. Walk – better yet, run. You owe Tom nothing – not your future, not your loyalty – simply so he has ‘something to live for’ behind bars. His choices led here.

His self-pitying desperation persuaded the courts to shield his identity. Don’t let him manipulate you too.

There is only one person who truly needs you now, to whom you owe a life of happiness, self-worth and respect: yourself.

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